When You Need Answers

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Today held another hard afternoon for Stevie. The bus rides home have been difficult again. Even after a good day at school today, the ride home was filled with gut wrenching screams accompanied by more aggression than I've seen in a long time. The distress on his face was enough to break even a strangers heart. Mine was trampled, shattered and spread all over the yard.

It's one of the hardest things to do, to send your precious child to school knowing that he may end up in meltdowns and restraints or seclusions.  Knowing he is under such great stress, not understood, and often not happy, but sending him to school anyway is purely an act of faith that it is the right thing to do and that God is watching out for him.

But today, today was extra hard. When he arrived home in a state of turmoil, curled under the bus seat screaming and kicking and pulling and scratching at the ed techs that were there to help him, it was just too much to take. What happened to him that he is this upset? What is going on?

The bus screeched off after Stevie was carried and pulled into the yard. He continues his cries, screams and attack, all aimed at me now.

How I wish I knew what the problem with the bus is, what would help him. How I would give anything in these moments to have my boy happy and playful again, and to end these episodes once and for all.

But I have no idea what is causing this. No idea where to turn next, how to advocate for him or even if advocating is needed.

In the midst of my own distress, I sit down to check email and try to distract myself. Pinterest pops up with an image and a verse: Psalm 25:5  "Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long."

Instantly Comfort calms me with whispers from God. He knows the truth of Stevie's situation and He knows the answer to his problems. He is my teacher, my Savior and my hope all day long.

I don't need to worry.

I only need to ask Him for the truth and guidance I need and He will supply it.

We still don't have the solution or even the whole story about what happened today, but I do have a calmness in my spirit that comes with the knowledge that

Stevie is in good hands.

"Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don't try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God's voice in everything you do, every place you go; he's the one who will keep you on track." Proverbs 3:4-5 (The Message)

When You Feel Powerless, Just Hang On

Just Hang On

I have a confession to make.  

Sometimes, I feel really incapable dealing with Stevie's aggressive behavior.  That's because I am incapable. I can't physically move him, as he often requires of me. I know, I should just tell him, "No, you need to walk." right? I wish it were so easy.  

You see, the way he "demands" me to physically get him to his room, is by creating a dangerous situation where something must be done.  So, for example, let say he decides to bang on the computer, or throw it.  His temper is rising and he is about to just start throwing random things around the house.  Considering there are 3 other siblings in the house, including a toddler, it is clear that at this point, he needs to go to his room to calm down.  But he won't go.  

So I decide I will try to help him calm down  in the room he is in. This never works, but I try anyway because it just seems like it should work!  So Stevie, knowing I am not putting him in his room as "I should" (according to him), starts grabbing things to throw. Or, follows after me to push me, or pull on my clothes. Or, he will go to one of his siblings and start picking on them, and if I still don't put him in his room, he will continue causing trouble like this to the point where it is NOT safe for anyone.  

This is the point where I begin to feel powerless.   I can't carry him to his room because of my many physical problems, and he won't go on his own. I have to protect my other kids (and the house) but like I said, he won't go, he won't calm down and I can't make him go. What's a girl to do?

Now I have gotten "lucky" a few times, by playing his OCD nature against himself. He doesn't want his baby sister in his bedroom so there is a gate here to keep her out.  One time I got the smarts to  take the gate down so he would want to go in to "protect his territory".

"Stevie, to to your room!"

"Put the gate up?"

"Go in your room first."

"Put the gate up!" He calls out as he trots to his room!  

For a while, all I had to do was call out, "DAAAAADDDYYYY!" and Stevie would run quickly to his room, sometimes giggling. That trick would work whether Daddy was in the house or not!  But now he is older and wiser and catching on to my tricks!

Well a few weeks ago I was just at my wits end with this, as neither of my clever tricks were working that well and he was having a particularly aggressive stretch.  I sat down in my comfy "brown chair",  to work on my Gideon Study by Pricilla Shirer.

She was talking about the passage in Judges chapter 6, where the Spirit of the Lord came upon Gideon (v.34).  In this case, this phrase means that the Spirit of the Lord embodied Gideon.    So basically, God put on Gideon like he'd put on his clothes.  If Gideon is draped over God like clothing, then ALL the muscles, bones, tendons, joints that Gideon needed to fight with, were actually God. It was God's strength that moved Gideon.  God embodied Gideon, and Gideon just needed to hang on to God.

When I move my arm up, my sleeve uses up zero energy or effort to follow along and move up with it. It effortlessly hangs on my body.  All Gideon had to do was just. hang. on. "The unseen authority of God's own Spirit was within Gideon now, filling him with the most lavish resource of all--divine power.  Gideon could enjoy complete confidence no matter how minuscule he deemed his army because he was only a vessel now, a chamber for God. He was merely God's outfit..." p.88 Gideon

All I have to do when I feel powerless with my son, is just. hang. on.

How minuscule my own strength is, it doesn't matter. It is God's strength that I need and he has a great supply. He will meet my needs (my family's needs) according to HIS resources, not mine.  

I just need to hang on for the ride.

When you feel powerless, all you need to do is let God give you a piggy back ride as He wins the battle purely on his own strength.

"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 2 Corinthians 12:9 

To read Pricilla Shirer's blog post on this subject, click here:  http://www.goingbeyond.com/blog/when-god-gets-dressed