When You Feel Powerless, Just Hang On

Just Hang On

I have a confession to make.  

Sometimes, I feel really incapable dealing with Stevie's aggressive behavior.  That's because I am incapable. I can't physically move him, as he often requires of me. I know, I should just tell him, "No, you need to walk." right? I wish it were so easy.  

You see, the way he "demands" me to physically get him to his room, is by creating a dangerous situation where something must be done.  So, for example, let say he decides to bang on the computer, or throw it.  His temper is rising and he is about to just start throwing random things around the house.  Considering there are 3 other siblings in the house, including a toddler, it is clear that at this point, he needs to go to his room to calm down.  But he won't go.  

So I decide I will try to help him calm down  in the room he is in. This never works, but I try anyway because it just seems like it should work!  So Stevie, knowing I am not putting him in his room as "I should" (according to him), starts grabbing things to throw. Or, follows after me to push me, or pull on my clothes. Or, he will go to one of his siblings and start picking on them, and if I still don't put him in his room, he will continue causing trouble like this to the point where it is NOT safe for anyone.  

This is the point where I begin to feel powerless.   I can't carry him to his room because of my many physical problems, and he won't go on his own. I have to protect my other kids (and the house) but like I said, he won't go, he won't calm down and I can't make him go. What's a girl to do?

Now I have gotten "lucky" a few times, by playing his OCD nature against himself. He doesn't want his baby sister in his bedroom so there is a gate here to keep her out.  One time I got the smarts to  take the gate down so he would want to go in to "protect his territory".

"Stevie, to to your room!"

"Put the gate up?"

"Go in your room first."

"Put the gate up!" He calls out as he trots to his room!  

For a while, all I had to do was call out, "DAAAAADDDYYYY!" and Stevie would run quickly to his room, sometimes giggling. That trick would work whether Daddy was in the house or not!  But now he is older and wiser and catching on to my tricks!

Well a few weeks ago I was just at my wits end with this, as neither of my clever tricks were working that well and he was having a particularly aggressive stretch.  I sat down in my comfy "brown chair",  to work on my Gideon Study by Pricilla Shirer.

She was talking about the passage in Judges chapter 6, where the Spirit of the Lord came upon Gideon (v.34).  In this case, this phrase means that the Spirit of the Lord embodied Gideon.    So basically, God put on Gideon like he'd put on his clothes.  If Gideon is draped over God like clothing, then ALL the muscles, bones, tendons, joints that Gideon needed to fight with, were actually God. It was God's strength that moved Gideon.  God embodied Gideon, and Gideon just needed to hang on to God.

When I move my arm up, my sleeve uses up zero energy or effort to follow along and move up with it. It effortlessly hangs on my body.  All Gideon had to do was just. hang. on. "The unseen authority of God's own Spirit was within Gideon now, filling him with the most lavish resource of all--divine power.  Gideon could enjoy complete confidence no matter how minuscule he deemed his army because he was only a vessel now, a chamber for God. He was merely God's outfit..." p.88 Gideon

All I have to do when I feel powerless with my son, is just. hang. on.

How minuscule my own strength is, it doesn't matter. It is God's strength that I need and he has a great supply. He will meet my needs (my family's needs) according to HIS resources, not mine.  

I just need to hang on for the ride.

When you feel powerless, all you need to do is let God give you a piggy back ride as He wins the battle purely on his own strength.

"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 2 Corinthians 12:9 

To read Pricilla Shirer's blog post on this subject, click here:  http://www.goingbeyond.com/blog/when-god-gets-dressed

The War Within Me

Heart InjectionThere is a very real war being fought inside of me.

My immune system has decided to attack my entire body with full intent to bring back no survivors. Little cells gone wild within have joined forces, calling themselves Rheumatoid Disease (RD), and have decided to attack my joints; they think my joints are the Enemy.

They also think any area of the body that has synovial membranes, is also the enemy--which includes the lining of the heart and lungs. For some reason I have yet to understand, it also attacks my skin and mucous membranes, causing secondary Sjogrens syndrome.

It really is a war.  It especially feels like a war when I inject my own army of blocker-cells (Humira) into my thigh every other week, and those little guys: they mean business!  They bind and they block.  They bind themselves to the those TNF cells (part of the RD army) so they aren't effective in causing inflammation and the TNF's are then blocked.

It kind of reminds me of the story of Gideon when God confused the enemy's army and they all killed each other, or Elisha when he was in battle and God blinded the enemy army!

So I was thinking (of course), about how similar this auto-immune stuff is to a spiritual battle.

Satan and his army are out there to steal, kill and destroy-- just like the RD army is.

And like the Humira army, Jesus is injected into us--into our hearts and He binds the Enemy; He blocks the lies by telling the truth.

With Humira though, it wears off... Jesus doesn't wear off.

Once He's inside, He's there forever.

But, we can loose touch with the Holy Spirit when stop paying attention...stop injecting our hearts with Scriptures and prayer.

We stop obeying.

We start listening to the Enemy.

And the Enemy army starts attacking.

With RD, I feel that attack pretty quickly in my joints.  But I don't feel what's going on deeper within.  Who knows if it's effected my organs or not?  I won't know until something goes wrong.

Sometimes, the Enemy is sneaky like that too.  He slowly pulls us down a road we should not be on and we don't realize it until something goes wrong.

Usually, very wrong.

And it hurts.

And RD hurts.

And we both need a Savior.

We need a good injection of our Binder and Blocker army on a regular basis.

At my small group yesterday, the leader asked me if I had any words of wisdom in all my many years (I just had a birthday) that I would like to share with everyone.

The first thing that came to mind was about my journey in learning to see God in everything: learning to set my mind on the good things, even amongst the bad and being thankful.

Seems simple, but what a battle that has been.

There are times that the battle has been so raging, that I don't want to see the good.  I want to be angry and have my temper tantrum.

But when I choose to stop and find God in that, and focus on God in that, then the lies are blocked, and I can see from a different perspective: God's perspective.

When we are seeing from God's perspective, we are injected with Truth.

And it's light is blinding to the Enemy. And it confuses the Enemy.

And it brings victory in the battle.

I think that I need more frequent injections of my Binder and Blocker army.

You, too?

"But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love endurance and gentleness. Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses." 1 Timothy 6:11-12)