In-Home Services: A Call To Value The Family

In Home SupportsServices...

In-home supports, Home and Community Therapy (HCT), Specialized Supports.

These are words that make me cringe at the moment as we just traumatically ended one and are about to start another.

It bothers me that my gut reaction is to cringe, because I know it can be so very good. I know the relationships that can be built between in-home staff and parents, between staff and the child(ren). I know because I used to work for an agency in the later half of the 90's that did it as right as I've ever seen it done and they are still going strong.

They just happen to be in Pennsylvania and we are in Maine.


The Problem

Budget cuts, system changes, different ways of thinking, different views on supports with the rise of autism... this (and more) leads in to the changes we are seeing now, compared to when I was working in the field.

There is no money to train people to work with our kids (and the number of kids needing services is rising exponentially), so agencies rely on stressed out parents to train the new support staff.  

There is no money, so they hire people right out of college with little to no real-life experience, to write plans to help the family.  

There is no money, so the staff are paid minimally. The people who are "naturals" in this field move on. Support staff positions are a launching pad for higher paying jobs. And who could blame them? They DO deserve to be paid more. 

And the unspoken expectation is:  Families just need to suck it up. Don't ask for much, just take what we give you and above all, do not complain. We can't give any better than we have. We don't have  highly trained staff and we don't have money. Just be happy you have a warm body in your house. We've done our job.

Over and over again, this is what I hear from other families:

"It isn't worth the effort I put in to training staff that don't work out, or quit a few months after starting."

"It's like glorified babysitting when we need real help."

"They think the issues we have are due to bad parenting."

"The problems they create cancel out the help they provide."

"The turn over in staffing is too hard on my children. It just isn't worth it."

And most recently, a friend told me her horror story where the disgruntled staff "got even" with her family by accusing them of child abuse.  Every family's nightmare!


How can it change? 

So what do we do with a problem like this?

I have been thinking about it, and I don't know what will bring about that kind of a change apart from a system-wide paradigm shift that puts the value back on the family.  

And a change like that is not going to happen--at least not completely--apart from a move of God.

When agencies providing services to families don't have respect for the family and don't understand the impact they have on it, a lot of damage can be done in a very short time.  

The focus the last decade or two has been on the child alone. But the child is not alone! The child is a part of a family and when you impact the child, you impact that family.  

When you help a family function more typically, you help the child in need of services. But if you ignore the family dynamics and focus only on one child, the system falls apart.  


What Would Valuing The Family Look Like?

When the family is valued and given the respect it needs, services will look very different. Instead of the list above being the norm, something like this will be the norm:

*Support staff come on board with the expectation that they will be here for at least one year, to provide consisted support, to minimize trauma on children loosing their best friend, and to minimize the burden of training parents have to provide.

*Staff and Supervisors will be professional, ethical and moral. They will uphold and support the family beliefs and will be a role model for the children.

*There will be less required meetings so that when we meet, it will be for specific purposes (not just because of a required number of meetings per month)  and respect the parents time. 

*Staff will work on helping the child who is receiving services, to interact in the home with siblings and parents, or with other natural supports (such as church). For quite a while the focus is has been on taking the kids out of the house to work on social skills in the community where they are unlikely to see the people they meet again, making it impossible for true relationships to be formed).

*Agencies will listen to parents and believe us when we say a certain person is not working out and work toward finding a new person without having to start over at the end of the waiting list to start the entire process over again (which can take months to years). The staff (and agency) needs to be a good fit with the family (on both sides) for treatment to be effective.

*The State will provide more money specifically for training staff, including trainings in family dynamics. Funds will be available for ongoing training specific to the child they are working with (such as diagnosis-specific conferences or internal trainings).

*Supervisors will do the initial training with the support staff for the first couple of shifts, to take some of the weight off the shoulders of parents. Supervisors will supervise the staff on a monthly basis at first, and then as needed (but no less than quarterly).

*Agencies will pay support staff what they are worth, so they will also feel valued and motivated to do a good job in the job they have. Staff will be offered rewards and bonuses for working on complicated and challenging cases, or have tough shifts that are hard to fill.

Where do we go from here? 

#1)  Pray.  

I am reminded of 2 Chronicles 7:14.  "If my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land."

*We need to seek God, asking Him to forgive us--our culture-- for not placing proper value on the family.

*We need to pray fervently for God to bend the hearts of those in position to make the needed changes.

*We need to pray for the politics behind these changes, that there will be increased funding for the changes that are needed.

*We need to pray for families to be bold enough to uphold the value we have in God--both individually and as a whole.  

*Families need to stand firm on the truth and promises of God, and not allow the system devalue us. We need to be brave and act like who God declares us to be.

#2) Wait with hope and expectancy

This week as I was wallowing in the pit of despair over the mountainous problems with the system and the particular agency we have been dealing with,  I opened a collection of "Braver Living" Bible verses created from key verses in The Cure For The Perfect Life by Kathi Lipp & Cheri Gregory.

One card amidst the many in the deck, stood out to me and filled me with hope. 

Micah 7:7  "But as for me, I will look to the Lord and confident in Him I will keep watch; I will wait with hope and expectancy for the God of my salvation; my God will hear me."

We can be confident that our God will hear us as we seek him. We can expect for him to move on our behalf.

Will you join in prayer, and watch and wait with hope and expectancy with me?  


I'd love to hear from you!

What are your experiences with in-home supports?

What changes would you like to see?







Fried Mommy With A Side Of Coffee

Fried Mommy











HOW TO FRY A MOMMY in just a few simple steps:


Child goes missing (briefly)

Child's clothing (all of it) laying by the swing

Said child found naked in the woods

Child drawing on the house with crayon

Child drawing on cars with chalk

Child attempting to pull door off hinges

Child pulling the door paneling off the door

Child pulling outlet cover off the outlet while screwed to the wall

Child screaming unnaturally loudly

Child swooshing dvd player, apple TV gadget & Wii console onto the floor 

Child hiding red wagon up the street near the swamp so he could run back to tell me about it

Child running away when called and then sitting in the middle of the street to wait for me

Child cutting his shorts with scissors

Child trying to cut hair with scissors

Child drawing on walls in house with crayon

Child refusing medicine

Child purposefully projectile vomits medicine across the room

Child grabs medicine in cup and spills on the floor

Child attempts to puke up medication multiple times

Child pees on floor in room multiple times a day

Child cleans up floor in room with direct supervision multiple times a day

Child poops on floor in room and tracks it all over room

Child throws electronics

Child pours milk on computer

Child pours milk into coffee and then onto iPad


This is the incomplete list of ONE child's summer "fun" out of our home of 4 little darlings.

And some times, this may be a list completed all in one day!

Anyone else out there relate to this? 

Oh, the joys of summer "break" with kids who NEED nonstop structure and simultaneously do NOT WANT that structure put in place for them.  




Yes, I have tried:



Picture schedules


Kid-created routines

More praying

Natural consequences

Fervent praying

Positive reinforcement

Persistant prayer

Negative reinforcement (out of desperation)

Did I mention praying?

I followed all recommendations from those who recommend, to the best of my ability considering I have other children to care for...

And I sit here typing with my beloved coffee to help me keep up with them just a little bit better than I have been,

and I am fried!  




Despite all my failed attempts to curtail my son's behavior, all is not lost:  

God has heard my cries for help!


God prompted a dear friend from our church and MOPS to ask how they could help and took it upon herself to find people who may be able to help us!

We aren't meant to do this life alone. 

We are meant to do it in the context of community,  especially with the help of the Body of Christ.


Our case manager has referred us to HCT (Home & Community Therapy) services--intensive in-homes supports with a focus purely on behavior. This service comes with a behavioral specialist, social worker and support staff! This is a short term program that usually lasts 6 months. Then, the long term specialized in home supports services will be in place that focuses on behavior and daily living skills.

And best of all?  There is ZERO waiting list. We will probably meet with the agency next week or two!  

This is huge news considering the past few weeks our case manager said there is no hope of in specialized in-home supports happening any time soon due to a long wait list and a shortage of behavioral specialists.

I am biting my internal tongue that begs to ask the question: Why wasn't this put in place before now? Why are we just now hearing of this option after all my cries for help and queries into WHEN specialized section 28 will be in place...after all my pleas to please get something in place before summer arrived?

But I know that God's timing is perfect. And even though I really think I should have known about this service option before, I also know that it wouldn't have happened until now anyway...because God's timing is just right. All the time. (Isn't that a nice tidbit of truth to defuse the situation?)


 Sometimes, it takes a Church, a Village AND a School...

On top of this incoming help, and the start of services in the next few weeks... THIS week, SUMMER SCHOOL STARTS!  Three days a week, 4 hours a day plus travel boy will be in school.

Out of the house!

In a routine! (which is the primary reason FOR summer school)

And NOT bored!


Help is on the way!

And I could not be more grateful or more welcoming of this help that God is providing.

The floodgates have been opened.

A time of refreshing is on the way!




Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor:

If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.

But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.

Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.

But how can one keep warm alone?

Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.

A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.


I would love to hear YOUR thoughts!