When Your Eyes are Wet

It's quiet today, When Your Eyes Are Wet. Usually the driver honks the horn to alert us that he has driven by, but not today. Today it's silence was loud enough to make it's presence known.

I put on my fleece-lined jacket and step through the cold breeze that nudges me to the end of the driveway and wait. It has been a long day.

Even longer for my boy.

His teacher rode with him, her arm comforting him as his eyes leaked wet down his face.  His eyes are red, his face so sad.

He stands up and and leans in to me as I squeeze him tight.

"He's had a rough afternoon" his teacher says. "I think it's just catching up with him."

I just feel his sadness. His overwhelming sadness.

We walk into the house and with a voice straining to  pull through his tightened neck, he asks for the iPad.

He walks straight to his room, covers himself with his blanket and cries, sweet sad tears.

I just rub his back. I have no words.

He asks for the iPad, again and I show him it is right beside him.

He lays his head on me and we just sit. I wait for him to talk and he rubs the wet off his eyes. "Blow-dry eyes please?".

I get the hair dryer and blow dry his eyes.  His face starts to relax, and the stress blows away with the air and tears.  His eyes closed, he looks like he did when riding with Daddy in the old white Miata with the hood down.

He plays with the iPad, and slowly gets back to his happy place.

45 minutes later, his body has calmed and I hear his giggling coming through smiling eyes...and the call of the peacock. He does an excellent imitation!

It is so hard, to not know what to do, or what happened, or what is wrong when your child is so distraught.  I didn't know what to do, but I felt the whispers to not talk. Just be there.  I felt the pull in my heart to do whatever he asks and when he asked for blow-drying his eyes,  I just did it.

"Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it." Isaiah 30:21

I didn't know that blowing dry his eyes would blow away the hard parts of the day and lead him to his happy place, but God did.

***

When we hit rock bottom, God holds us.  And He rubs our back and comforts us and just lets us be with Him. He knows just what we need, even if it's blow-drying our tears away.

He holds our tears in his bottle and they are precious to him even more than my boy's tears and sadness are precious to me.

There is nothing I'd rather do than just be with Stevie when he is sad, and I'm sure, that more than anything, God wants to be with us in the same way.  

He wants to dry our eyes, and give us comfort and peace.  

Will you let Him?

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God,which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:6-7)

 

 

 

 

How Sage Dealt With Anger

Tears stream down his wet face forming tiny rivers to his jaw line.

"I missed you, Mommy!  Why were you gone so long?  I'm mad. I'm angry. I wanted to go somewhere today!" 

"I'm sorry, Sage. I told you we probably wouldn't be able to fit in a trip today. I'm sure there will be other chances to go out tomorrow."

The palms of his hands squeegee the tears down from his cheeks as he continues with sobs and anger.

I was gone for about 2 1/2 hours. It was a "Mommy Time" night.

He wanted to come with me from the beginning, but I guarded my hard-to-get time and explained Mommy Time is when Mommy goes by herself.

And then, after he got more mad out than sad, after he expressed again that he didn't get to go anywhere and that going somewhere today was a "rule" that was broken...he just switched over.

It was like he flipped  a switch in his brain over to problem solving mode.

"I'm going to go someplace on Google Maps!" He announces. "I'm not here anymore. I am driving around in New Hampshire right now."

And just like that, a few minutes later he comes galloping to me--well, galloping as much as you can in a house littered with toys and snow gear (insert sigh).  

With smile on his face and emotions regulated, He calls, "I'm back! I was in New Hampshire but I am home now!"

"Welcome back!" I greet him with a returned smile. "Why don't you write about your trip in the new notebook I brought home for you. Or, you could draw the map of where you were!"

"Yeah. I'm gonna do that." he says, and he starts writing.

Later, I find him in his room, still writing!

 

 

Sage Writing Collage

He didn't write about his trip, which is kind of sad because I was really looking forward to learning what he did on the trip that took his mind off his anger.

He did show me his notebooks and all the stories and chapters he's written about Wall-E!

What really fascinates me about Sage, is that he is all out there with his feelings.

He doesn't care that it may not be cool to be ten years old,  and be so upset that Mommy left for a couple hours, or even that it may not be cool to cry.

It's how he feels so there it is. The lack of social awareness (one of the hallmarks of autism) grants him freedom where others may be restrained.

And even more neat about this scene, is how he handled his anger this time:

* He didn't hold on to it and keep a grudge through the night.

* He told me exactly what was bothering him and how he was hurt. And he dealt with it.

* He went to bed happy, with thoughts of what he would write next about Wall-E.

What a good example he gives of the verse:

"Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry." Ephesians 4:26b